Sleeping with my young neighbour

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for a while. My husband and I have three children together, but he had four other children with four different women.

I did not know them and he did not tell me the truth before we got married. He did not support these children. He became ill and none of the outside children even looked at him. They did not give him a dollar. I had to stop working to take care of this man. The only money I get is from my little pension. The children we have together buy food for the house. This man has no savings. When I say no savings, I mean none whatsoever. When he was healthy and strong, he hardly gave me any money. Whenever I asked him for money, he told me that I am working, so I should use my own money.

Everybody trusts you as a counsellor, so I know I can trust you. About two years ago, things really got rough with us financially. The landlord gave us notice to leave. We had nowhere to go. My husband wasted his money on women. One day I was standing at my gate and a young man was passing by who called me by name. I asked him where he knew me from. He told me that everybody in the area knew me and he had seen me many times. We had a long conversation and he said that he always admired me and he would like to get to know me better. I told him I could be his mother. He said yes, but I am not his mother. We became very good friends. I told him that we were going to have to move.

To cut a long story short, the friendship grew and I found myself thinking about him constantly He was just 25 years old. I asked myself "How am I going to get mixed up with this young man when he is in the same age group as my two sons?" One day I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no. I told him that I did not believe him, but he said he was talking the truth. I asked him if he could climb and he said yes, so I invited him to pick some mangoes for me and that is how our relationship started.

The young man was fresh enough to tell me that he loves me. I asked him how old he thinks I am and he said, "You are in your early 30s" and I left it there. I invited him into the house. My husband was lying sick in his room, unaware of what was going on. The young man and I started to play around. My goodness, I feel ashamed to tell you this. I asked him to give me some time to shower. I had never played around with another man since I got married, but I had my shower, came out with a towel around me and we hugged each other. The boy removed the towel, put me on the floor and had sex with me. I had not had sex for a long time. Then he told me he would be coming back to check on me the following day. He came back with an envelope. He told me that he lied when he said he didn't have a girlfriend, but he is going to leave her for me.

Since then, this young man and I have been having sex. My children know that we are good friends, but they do not know that we have been going to bed. He helped me to pay the rent and the landlord withdrew the notice for us to leave. My husband has become worse. According to the doctor, anything can happen very soon. I don't know what to do. I don't have any money to bury my husband if he should pass on. Please give me your advice.

S.C.

Dear S.C.,

You are quite correct, I will not embarrass you, nor will I publish some of the things you have written.

I am really touched by your letter. I hope that your children would be of greater help to you by putting away money from their pay every week to take care of the rent. I am wondering whether you can do a little buying and selling online. Your children are old enough to know what can be purchased. If you attend church, you can let members know what you are doing and how they can buy items through you.

Your husband wasted his money on women. If you know the address of this man's children, please try and contact them and ask them to assist you in paying the rent every month. I hate to think that you would encourage this young man to support you for a long time.

Pastor