Pastor, you save me from a ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

I am now 40 years old. Several years ago, my girlfriend and I visited you because we were planning to get married. During that meeting, she told you she was pregnant. You asked me if I was responsible for the pregnancy, and I said I was not certain. You then asked her if she was sure I was the father of the child she was carrying. She admitted she was not 100 per cent sure.

You said to me, 'Young man, I cannot suggest that this young woman and you get married because she has not been faithful to you. And if she is not faithful now, she will not be faithful if you were to marry her, because she does not know for sure whether you got her pregnant. It means that she had sex with another man.'

My girlfriend remained silent, and we left your office.

Afterwards, I questioned her about why she did not dispute what you had said. She told me she had been intimate with two other men besides me, but she did not believe either of them had gotten her pregnant. After our discussion, I dropped her at the bus stop. We were still intimate a few times after that, and I even helped her buy some baby clothes.

Eventually, she determined who the child's father was, and it was not me. She gave birth to a baby boy and later asked me to be his godfather, which I agreed to do.

You are truly a wise counsellor.

I later married another woman, and we now have three children. The former girlfriend had tried to 'throw jacket' on me, but things worked out differently. My children are doing well, and I have never stopped reading your column.

H.

Dear H.,

To put it plainly, the young woman was being unfaithful to you, though you did not fully realise it at the time.

There have been occasions when I have declined to officiate at weddings because I had concerns about the honesty or readiness of the bride or groom.

Some individuals assume that when they come to my office with plans to marry, I will not question them. However, it is my duty to ask difficult questions. Both men and women sometimes withhold the truth, and marriage should not begin on a foundation of uncertainty or deception.

I am pleased to hear that you are now in a stable and happy marriage and that your children are thriving. Continue to care for your family and remain committed to the values that sustain your home.

Keep in touch, my friend.

Pastor