Convinced my wife cheated on me with my cousin

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 and I have been married for three years. Before I got married, I told myself that I wanted to commit myself to one woman.

Some of my friends told me that was not wise, but I did not listen to them. My wife told me that she would always be faithful to me. But after 18 months of marriage, I realised that my wife had started to cheat on me - with one of my cousins. This cousin and I were working together. I taught him the trade and when he didn't have any money, I gave him money. My wife denied cheating with my cousin, but the messages I saw on her phone gave her away. She sent a message to my cousin telling him how sweet he was and she wanted to know when they were going to meet again.

I showed one of my sisters the text message and she called my wife and called her a dirty dog. Now my wife and I have broken up, but she told me that she is pregnant and I am the father. I told her that she should find my cousin and let him know of the damage both of them caused in our marriage. I told her not to call me back. But what is bothering me is, suppose I was the one who got her pregnant? I remember the last time we went to bed and that was before I saw what she wrote in the text. I am wondering what I should do. My sister who cursed her told me I should wait until she has the baby and then do a DNA test to find out whether the child is mine. Before I found out that she was cheating, I bought my wife a car that I am still paying for monthly. I am also paying the rent for the house in which she still resides. She is unable to afford the rent and the car payments.

I have a problem. Sometimes when I think of her, I hate her, but deep in my heart I find myself feeling sorry for her and wondering if I should try and give the relationship a second chance. But how can I uncover this woman's nakedness if she indeed slept with my cousin? She has never admitted that she cheated. I do not know what to do, so I am asking you for your advice.

B.C.

Dear B.C.,

What did your wife tell you about the text you saw in her phone? How did she explain that to you?

She denied that she was cheating, but she did not explain to your satisfaction how that text message was sent to your cousin. Now, if you are paying for the car and the rent, I suspect then that you truly love this woman. Both of you are not living together anymore, so it is either you are going to continue to pay these bills, or you are going to give up the payments on this car and tell your wife that she has to find another place to live.

If you decide that you are not going to get back with your wife, you should inform your landlady that the relationship has come to an end, therefore you will no longer be responsible for the rent. You should also tell the bank or the institution that gave you the loan to buy the vehicle to take it back. You should not carry that type of burden every month. It is very difficult for you to carry the extra burden and support yourself and this woman you call your wife.

But before you talk to the landlord and the financial institution, I suggest that you ask your wife whether she is willing to go with you to see a family counsellor and whether she would be willing to speak the truth about the text. I hope that you still have the text as proof that it was sent. I wish you well. Let me hear from you again on this matter.

Pastor