My pastor is a hypocrite - Church sent my dad to the backbench because I got pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old. I got married when I was 20 because I became pregnant, and my parents said I should get married so that by the time the baby was born, people would not know I was pregnant before marriage.

My parents took it upon themselves to speak to the man who got me pregnant and also to his parents, as we all attended the same church. They agreed that their son should marry me and also agreed to help with the wedding.

We went to our minister, but he did not have a marriage officer's licence, so he arranged for another minister to officiate. After the wedding, my husband came to live at my parents' house. I have one brother, and he gave up his room for us until he was able to move out on his own.

Before the baby was born, people in the church began whispering and asking questions. The pastor called us and asked if we had committed fornication. My husband told me we should not answer the pastor.

My father, who is a deacon, was no longer allowed to serve communion. My mother said that if they put my father on the backbench, she would sit there with him every Sunday.

The pastor said my parents should not have allowed us to stay in their house. Some members supported the pastor, while others did not. My husband wanted us to leave and attend another church, but his parents encouraged him to remain.

Now my husband feels he is called into the ministry, but the pastor said he would not recommend him to attend Bible college. Do you think the pastor is right?

Now the pastor's own daughter is pregnant by a man who is not a Christian, and they are saying that she was raped, so they cannot ask her to leave their house. Do you not see that these people are hypocrites?

We would like to know how you feel about these church members and the pastor himself.

L.

Dear L.,

Years ago, I was in Georgia in the United States, preaching at a well-established church. The pastor had three daughters and was a strict fundamentalist who strongly opposed divorce. One of his married daughters eventually divorced her husband while she was still young.

This pastor taught that a divorced woman could not remarry unless her first husband died. What a foolish teaching. What should a young man or woman do when a marriage ends? Pastors must learn to be reasonable, have tender hearts, and remember that we are all sinners. Sinners can always find forgiveness at the cross.

Your pastor was very wrong to put your father on the backbench. Stay in your church. If your father had put you out of his house, he would not have been a good father. The minister whose daughter is now pregnant should put himself on the backbench.

It is time for people to realise that love covers a multitude of sins. I am sorry that this man's daughter is pregnant, and if she was raped, the man responsible should face the courts. At the same time, no one should judge her. All judgement belongs to God.

Pastor